Irresistable Poisson
by Moose Attacks
Summary: The whole crew and we mean the WHOLE crew are back for seventh year. Harry and Draco fall in love, but will Voldemort destroy their romance!
1. Chapter 1

**IRRESISTABLE POISSON**

**Chapter 1: OMG!**

It was the beginning of seventh year and Harry was extremely depressed. Hogwarts was still open, and he had decided to come back. He didn't understand why. He had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Perhaps he should not have eaten that pasty. At the back of his head, something was nagging him. Ah, a mosquito. He brushed it away and sighed. The trees rustled ever-so-melodramatically. "Who am I?" Thought Harry. "Why am I here?"

Suddenly he caught sight of something a few feet away. It was a naked glowing body. Harry wondered who it could be. They were very hot in their naked glowing-ness. Harry squinted through his glasses. Suddenly, the naked glowing man raised his arms. There was a thunder clap, and he was struck by lightning. The glow increased. A cat meowed. Harry awoke with a start.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: WTF?**

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"Hey Ron, I had the weirdest dream last night," Harry said the next morning at breakfast.

"I don't care, Harry!" Ron yelled. "I'm sick of you and your fucking dreams! Go fuck yourself! Just die, would you! You get all the attention and I get none! It's not fair! You're such a fag! I hate you, never talk to me again!"

Harry left the great hall and went to angst in the astronomy tower. When he had been sitting there for some time, who should arrive, but Draco Malfoy!

"OMG!" Exclaimed Harry, jumping up. "I thought you were dead!"

"I was," said Draco, who had acquired stunning good looks, a six pack, and a completely different personality over the summer. "Dead inside, anyway! I left Voldemort after he killed Ginny. I just couldn't take it anymore."

"I guess it was meant to be," Harry sobbed. "Draco, were you in love with Ginny! Is that why you always hated me!"

"No," said Draco, sweeping Harry into his arms. "I hated you... because I loved you!"

"Dude!" Harry exclaimed. Suddenly Madame Pomfrey ascended the steps. "Run!" Harry exclaimed again.

Draco jumped out the window, and Harry pretended to be looking for his lost characterisation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: BBQ!**

"Ron," said Harry, "why do you hate me?"

"Because I hold you responsible for the death of my sister, and I'm jealous that you get all the love while I get none from Hermione because she is a frigid bitch, and I need to give you yet another reason to angst and make your relationship with Draco seem more plausible."

"Ok," said Harry.

Just then, Hermione walked by. She had gotten a makeover over the summer, and now had blonde highlights and lots of very impractical handbags and shoes. "I want to fuck Snape," she said, then walked away.

Ron stabbed himself in the eye with a spork and died.

Just then, Dumbledore appeared! "Harry," he said, "lookin' good. Anyway, I have to tell you –"

"You're dead!" Harry shouted.

"Well, besides that," said Dumbledore. "You must have hot gay sex with Draco Malfoy. The future of the wizarding world depends on it. Kthx."

"But what if –" but suddenly Harry's scar seared with pain! "OMFG!" He exclaimed. "I have only just now realised that Ron and Ginny aren't dead! Those were just people using polyjuice potion! The real Ron and Ginny are alive, but Voldemort's holding them hostage in the astronomy tower! I MUST SAVE THEM!"

Dumbledore beat Harry repeatedly over the head with a large stick. "You have to stay here, Harry," he warned him. "Your friends will die. But it's for the best. For now, you must have hot gay sex with Draco. And be sure to video tape it."

"no, i hav 2 go save them!1!" Harry cried, and climbed the astronomy tower.

Dumbledore jumped into a plothole and disappeared.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: The End**

Harry arrived punctually in the astronomy tower. Voldemort was there. "Hello, Harry," said Voldemort.

"Hi," said Harry. "Prepare to die!

Ron and Ginny were sitting in the corner having a cup of tea.

"What did Dumbledore tell you about your father?" Voldemort inquired.

"Nothing," said Harry.

"Well, uh, what do you KNOW about your father?" Voldemort asked.

"Durrr..." said Harry. "His name was James?"

"Why must you make this so difficult! I'm trying to be dramatic here! Harry, who killed your father!"

"YOU DID!" Harry SCREAMED IN RAGE!

"No, Harry," said Voldemort. "I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"Fancy that," Ginny said.

"Ima bust a cap in yo ass!" Harry shouted, pointing his wand at Voldemort. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4: The Real End**

Suddenly Voldemort threw back his cloak, and revealed himself to be none other than... Draco Malfoy!

"I was j/k!" Malfoy exclaimed. "Poisson d'Avril!"

Harry chuckled. "Oh, Malfoy! You're just the cutest!"

"Hoo-ray," said Ginny.

"I am completely accepting of the fact that my best friend is having a relationship with our mortal enemy," Ron declared.

"Harry," said Sirius, "Harry! I am your godfather!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5: Epilogue**

On the last day of school it was discovered that the last horcrux was the one ring. Harry bit Frodo's finger off and destroyed it and the wizarding world was saved.

Harry and Draco got married and had identical twins, a boy and a girl, named Skylar and Skyler.

Remus and Sirius got married and had no kids but lots of gay sex because they are so gay. And Sirius isn't really dead. He is having gay sex with Remus. And writing about it on the internet.

Hermione and Snape got married and had twelve children named Bridget, Constance, Priscilla, Fliggetyflop, Ryan, Blop, Mogwort, Stupidhead, Fluffball, Dumbass, Sparklypop, Tom Marvolo Riddle, Prostitute, Raven, and Steve.

Ginny moved into a carpeted bathroom with a toilet in the shower.

Ron died.


End file.
